Internet Relationships - Build Chemistry With Sparkling Conversation

Create a Space for Deep Listening and Sharing

Email and online chat provides opportunities to discover communication styles and determine if there is enough chemistry to have a phone conversation or meet in person.

In surveying my life coach clients about online dating, they report that they are more likely to meet a person off the Internet with whom they have enjoyed deep online conversations. So, take the time to write longer emails or schedule regular chats that are long enough for both of you to share more deeply.

Also, keep the ball rolling. If you begin a lengthy dialogue, then switch to emailing just a few short sentences, that can quickly kill chemistry by indirectly communicating a lack of interest to interact more deeply.

Build on the Success of Online Chemistry and Interactions

You've enjoyed chatting and emailing and have decided to meet. Remember that in person there may be natural pauses and spaces of silence in face-to-face conversation.

Moments of silence allow an opportunity for both people to listen and respond to the language of energy and body talk, forms of non-verbal communication that are often deeper than the language of words.

For example, a female client reported during a first meeting, her date paused in conversation and gazed at her. He smiled, breathed deeply, then commented, "Wow, you're just so beautiful. I have to take a moment to sink into this experience of being here with you." She thanked him for the complement and allowed him that space of silence. They sat quietly and simply smiled at each other.

In those moments of silence, volumes were communicated. Chemistry deepened.

When they continued the conversation with words, what unfolded was rich, deep and more intimate than what might have occurred if they were chattering the whole time or talking online.

So remember, although you may chat for hours online or email each other frequently, when you meet in person, not every moment needs to be filled with words.

Allowing such natural pauses and space in conversation also communicates that you are:

(1) Comfortable in your own skin and secure, qualities that can be perceived as sexy and attractive.

(2) Comfortable with the other person such that you can simply relax in spaces of natural silence together.

If you find yourself talking nervously to fill the space with conversation, take a deep breath and count to five slowly in your mind. Allow the nervousness to leave your body as you exhale. Remember that this is the person with whom you connected well with online, so build on that foundation and relax.

Internet Dating - Your Profile

Great - you've decided to give Internet dating a go, and you've chosen a couple sites to trial. Signing up is easy, right up until it's time to write your Profile. You don't know how to write a profile, and if you did, you wouldn't want to write it about yourself anyway. Is it time to panic?

Absolutely not! While it is very important to have a strong profile, it's really not painful to create one. After all, you know what kind of things you're looking for in another person, and you know what things you're not looking for - if you avoid hyperbole and crazy claims, you'll find that this is a very natural process. So take a deep breath and follow these guidelines to writing a realistic and interesting personal Profile.

Basic Statistics
All Internet dating sites are going to ask for the same basic information: relationship status, your gender, who you're looking for, where you live, your height and your body type. Don't enhance or lie about any of these things. If you're divorced, say so. If you're single with kids, say so! These are the kind of things people really don't want to find out later. Absolutely specify if you're looking for men or for women. Since the whole point of listing on the site is to meet someone, be honest about your location. Don't say you're in New York if you're really in Louisiana. That doesn't help anyone. And as painful as it may be, list your true weight and body style. Nobody is expecting an Adonis or Aphrodite, and they're going to be suspicious if you list yourself as male, 6'2", six-pack abs, tan, blonde, blue eyes, athletic. Or if you say you're a female, 5'7", 120 lbs., 34c-24-34 and athletic. We all have some warts - acknowledge them and move on to the things that really matter. After all, if you aren't honest about these most basic things, how can a potential date believe anything else you say?

Your Match
You'll be asked for basic details on what you're looking for - male, female, single, divorced, kids / no kids as well as age range and body type. As much fun as it would be to date a super model, keep these requirements as real as you can. If having kids is a showstopper for you, then say so. But if it doesn't really matter, don't call it out. And don't ask for a perfect body unless you have one!

About Yourself
There will be a section where you can showcase yourself - use your own words to describe what's important to you, what you're looking for and what you offer. In this, don't go for Pulitzer Prize winning material. Realism wins over style hands-down, every time. Use specifics - if you love walking, give details on whether it's long, moonlit walks with a significant other or speed walking in a 10K race.

Overall Tone
Whatever you say, do it with enthusiasm, in a positive voice. And always, always be courteous. No profanity, no disparaging remarks. Ever!

Once you have a profile you think works, read it out loud to yourself. Listen impartially for sincerity and enthusiasm. Are you describing a person you'd like to meet? If the answer is yes, publish it on the Internet dating site!