Joining a dating site is like walking into a huge party. There are people all around, happily talking away and flirting their heads off. They are the natural-born party animals. Or they're drunk. Then there are shy people off to the side not getting as much attention. Some have found at least one nice person to talk to. Some haven't been that lucky yet . They're all struggling to get through this big noisy experience. And wishing there was a way to know who else in the crowd might want to talk to them. It's normal to feel, when you first join a dating site, that you're not sure how and where to jump in. So here's a quick list of tips to get you comfy, connecting and loving it as fast as possible.
Have a Game Plan
- Get into a routine. Have an amount of time you spend each day or a few times a week looking at profiles.
- Sign up for any alerts that will tell you when any new member who meets your qualifications joins the site.
- Decide you'll contact a certain number of people per week - 2 or 3 is good.
- Spend time on your profile - make it really true to you.
- Ask your friends what is most appealing about you. Play that up in your profile, turning it into a "hook" that will land you the right fish.
- When you contact someone, ask lots of questions. People love to talk about themselves AND, this is your big chance to find out about them. So it's a win-win practice.
- Don't ever send a "form" message. It's OK to copy and paste a funny paragraph you've written about yourself previously, but read your messages over carefully to make sure they don't sound canned.
- If you're funny, bring it on in your messages. Just be aware though, that sometimes being funny becomes a compulsive way to cover up nervousness. And doing a comedy monologue is not the same thing as having a conversation - it's kind of one-sided and impersonal. So pull it back if you're starting to sound a little hyper and hysterical.
- Make it obvious you've really read their profile by commenting on things they've said and noting what you have in common. Talk about what's in your profile that matches up.
- Write your messages when you're in a fun, sassy mood. Don't sit there and pour out your misery about past loves or how low your hopes are now. If it helps, watch a fun TV show or have a glass of wine to loosen up before you sit down to write.
- Don't evaluate every contact in terms of whether or not this is The One! Almost no one is The One - that's what makes The One so special. But many people who share your interests can end up being friends and valuable people in your life. So this is a sorting process to see where in your world they belong.
- Don't reject people after just one message. Even if you're not getting the "vibe" on first contact, keep up the talk over a few messages to be sure. Many people just feel very awkward and have trouble being themselves when they first meet someone.
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