Losing Your Self in Your Relationship

The true purpose of any healthy relationship is to become more of Who You Really Are. Through providing a reflection of different aspects of your Self, your mate serves to facilitate your process of developing yourself to a greater degree. Sometimes, your coming together serves as a reminder of Who You Are - sometimes it becomes your Wake Up Call!

In all cases, you strive to complete yourself through your being dynamically and romantically involved with another. Essentially, you are being provided with the opportunity to "find your Self" as you grow in love with your partner.

Why then are so many women doing the opposite, and rather than becoming, they're actually losing themselves in their unions with men? Why would any woman feel that her total self-denial would lead to her greatest happiness?

What is the seed that gets planted in a woman's mind that allows her to go down this dead-end path? What takes place in a woman's psyche that informs her of this as a viable choice? Is this what women really want? Is it even what men really want?

I believe the origin of this belief system is in our conditioning. We learn early on, through our parents, our peers, our religions, and society at large, that "Woman is here to serve man." Sometimes, this message appears fully in its subservient splendor. Sometimes, it's subtle and appears to be just about taking care of the man you love.

Either way, it becomes almost a natural tendency for women to place themselves in a role of caretaker - for their children, for their friends, and for their mate. In this manner of giving of yourself to that which you view as more important than you are, you slowly but surely begin to lose your Self.

You lose who you truly are - to the process, and to the relationship, and to the person you're immersing yourself in. Instead of becoming part of a greater whole by merging in a healthy manner, you're systematically negating yourself out of existence. Lost in your relationship, lost in your man, lost to yourself, lost to your essence.

You begin to live your life only for others without any gain to yourself. By gain, I mean growth and evolvement. When you are not growing, you become stagnant and stuck in a slow dying and decaying process.

It may take a while before you recognize the signs of your deterioration, but notice if there's a moment during your day where you give yourself a time-out. Do you commit yourself to stop and think about you, independent of all others? Do you even know what this means any more?

The truth is, if you are operating in this lost mode, nobody who truly cares about you is benefiting in the long-term. They may be getting their immediate needs met, but keep this in mind - while you are lost in them, they don't actually have YOU!

In Loving Light,
Dr. Pamela

Guys - Here's How to Tell a Girl You Like Her (And Make Her Like You Back)

Here's the cold, hard truth - getting dates, while could be difficult to some guys, is the easy part. The difficult part is when you decide that you want to be with her, and want to confess your feelings. This is the biggest difficulty that most guys face in an early relationship - because they worry that they cannot get a positive response from the girl. Nobody likes to be rejected.

But don't fret - here comes the cure. But before I share that with you, you must first realize that rejection is the direct consequence of how you tackle the situation. This is why you have to know the secrets in making a girl say that she likes you back when you confess your feelings to her.

Three Tips On How To Tell A Girl You Like Her (And Make Her Like You Back)

Tip 1 - "It's all about timing". The fact is that if you tell her "I love you" at the wrong time, then your chances with her will be ruined. Beware! Timing has got probably the strongest influence on your chances to get a girl to say that she likes you back.

Tip 2 - "Use body language". Women often pick up non-verbal queues very easily - so she will know whether you like her or not often from your body language. Once you have 'purposely' shown her that you like her through your body language, then it will make things very easy.

Tip 3 - "Hypnotize her!" If everything else do not work for you, then you can consider using hypnosis techniques to make her like you back. Using a trick called 'fractionation', you can make her feel emotionally dependent on you - in such a way that she will not be able to be without you for long.

How to Pick Up Girls - Okay Men, Listen Up, This is a Lady Speaking!

Okay men, listen up, this is a lady speaking. I have some advice for you that my sisterhood may be a bit upset for me spilling to you. If you really want to know how to pick one of us up this weekend, just read on.

Prepare Yourself
The first tip in your quest to pick up the perfect hotty is to present yourself as being pickupable. This means you need to put more effort into getting ready to go out than rummaging through the dirty clothes for a t-shirt that does not smell too bad. You need to start from the top down.

Hair: Get it cut regularly. Heck, you should even splurge and go to a real salon instead of just the local Walmart cut and trim joint. Invest in some appropriate styling product to show off your cool style. Do not be afraid of hair products. Just tell yourself this, "Brad Pitt wears them and he has Angelina Jolie."

Face: If clean cut is not the thing for you, get over it. Clean cut is almost always the way to go. Just because you have been slaving over your tiny precious "soul patch" since high school, does not mean it is attractive to the ladies. Shave it off.

Smell: Good golly Miss Molly, take a shower. If you stink, this is not France, and you will NOT get the girl. Remember all of those silly commercials showing the new mens body sprays. They have the right idea. Men who smell good are attractive to women. You might want to invest in something a little classier than Bod though. ALSO IMPORTANT, do not overdo it. Spray several sprays in the air and walk through the mist. That is enough to carry you through the evening smelling nice.

Clothes: You know the gay guys you make fun of? Look at how they are dressed. Unless they are wearing pink or stillettos, they are probably wearing the latest fashion and should be admired and copied. Ladies love a man with style.

Shoes: No scrubby old sneakers for the club please. No ugly thong sandals depicting your disgusting man feet. Cover those bad boys up in something fashionable and stylish. Again, check out your nearest gay for a hint.

BE BOLD
The second tip in picking up ladies is to leave the cheesy pick up lines at home, but make sure to pack your self confidence. Self confidence is more attractive than any perfume. DO NOT be afraid of us and we will very rarely bite (in a mean way). If you get shot down by asking a woman if she would like to dance or if you can buy her a drink, do not despair. There are plenty of girls who will take you up on the offer.

PAY OUR WAY
Sure, it is a new age of femininism and we CAN pay our own way, but a bought drink still tells us you're interested, and we should never have to go stag on a date. Do not buy her a rolex on the first meeting, but do not be afraid to buy a drink or three. Heck, that may loosen us up enough to think your pick up lines are cute.

How Many Dates Before Asking a Woman to Be Exclusive?

A question that comes up fairly often from men is; "how many dates should I wait before asking a woman to be exclusive?"

When a woman is really attracted to you and really likes you a lot whether she likes it or not at a certain point usually very early on she isn't going to be seeing anybody else.
 
She is going to be exclusive with you not because you asked or because she thinks that is the only way she is going to be able to keep you; instead she is going to be exclusive because that is what she wants.
 
With that said the opposite is also true as well, if a woman is still seeing other men and you at the same time her attraction level for you isn't great enough for her ever to actually be exclusive with you.
 
She might try and be exclusive for a little while but that is only if you have something that she desires such as money or status and even then you are opening yourself up to being with a woman who is unfaithful to you because whether you like it or not if she meets a man with whom she is attracted to she will allow that relationship to happen.
 
In other words, when it comes to asking a woman to be exclusive much like every other step of the whole dating process it really isn't something that you ask rather something that simply occurs.

In fact, what you usually want to happen is for her to ask you to be exclusive because more times than not the person who is asking to be exclusive is the person who is already in an exclusive relationship with the other person.

The Perfect Complicated Girlfriend and Boyfriend

Men say women are complicated, women say men are complicated. I say, humans are complicated. Complicated or not, it is always good to be good with those who we misunderstand because complication is no more but misunderstanding.

We understand what we know and we misunderstand what we don't. It's that simple, yet complicated enough to for us to have discussions, fights, breakups and even a divorce. One of the easiest ways to reduce misunderstanding and complication is by simply understanding the reason of why they react the way the do. Opening our eyes to the real person instead of the viewing them with our own perspective is definitely one of the most effective ways to have better understanding and less complication in any relationship.

No body has ever had a perfect relationship for the reason being that the perfect person does not exist.

If it did, you can be sure that this "perfect person" might have second thought's about being in a romantic relationship with you, because he/she might demand perfection as well. And perfection is something that nobody is capable of offering.

This is because perfection means flawlessness. It stands for being 100% correct 100% of the time. It means to never loose and to always win, never make mistakes and always be great.

The perfect relationship means: no lies, no fighting, no discussions, no ex boyfriend/girlfriend, etc and all this means nobody. The perfect person is no more but our own imaginary friend who we wish to meet in real life one day. A more acceptable term for the perfect person can be the "correct" or "right" person.