How to Pick Up Girls - Okay Men, Listen Up, This is a Lady Speaking!

Okay men, listen up, this is a lady speaking. I have some advice for you that my sisterhood may be a bit upset for me spilling to you. If you really want to know how to pick one of us up this weekend, just read on.

Prepare Yourself
The first tip in your quest to pick up the perfect hotty is to present yourself as being pickupable. This means you need to put more effort into getting ready to go out than rummaging through the dirty clothes for a t-shirt that does not smell too bad. You need to start from the top down.

Hair: Get it cut regularly. Heck, you should even splurge and go to a real salon instead of just the local Walmart cut and trim joint. Invest in some appropriate styling product to show off your cool style. Do not be afraid of hair products. Just tell yourself this, "Brad Pitt wears them and he has Angelina Jolie."

Face: If clean cut is not the thing for you, get over it. Clean cut is almost always the way to go. Just because you have been slaving over your tiny precious "soul patch" since high school, does not mean it is attractive to the ladies. Shave it off.

Smell: Good golly Miss Molly, take a shower. If you stink, this is not France, and you will NOT get the girl. Remember all of those silly commercials showing the new mens body sprays. They have the right idea. Men who smell good are attractive to women. You might want to invest in something a little classier than Bod though. ALSO IMPORTANT, do not overdo it. Spray several sprays in the air and walk through the mist. That is enough to carry you through the evening smelling nice.

Clothes: You know the gay guys you make fun of? Look at how they are dressed. Unless they are wearing pink or stillettos, they are probably wearing the latest fashion and should be admired and copied. Ladies love a man with style.

Shoes: No scrubby old sneakers for the club please. No ugly thong sandals depicting your disgusting man feet. Cover those bad boys up in something fashionable and stylish. Again, check out your nearest gay for a hint.

BE BOLD
The second tip in picking up ladies is to leave the cheesy pick up lines at home, but make sure to pack your self confidence. Self confidence is more attractive than any perfume. DO NOT be afraid of us and we will very rarely bite (in a mean way). If you get shot down by asking a woman if she would like to dance or if you can buy her a drink, do not despair. There are plenty of girls who will take you up on the offer.

PAY OUR WAY
Sure, it is a new age of femininism and we CAN pay our own way, but a bought drink still tells us you're interested, and we should never have to go stag on a date. Do not buy her a rolex on the first meeting, but do not be afraid to buy a drink or three. Heck, that may loosen us up enough to think your pick up lines are cute.