How to Find a Good Guy

In today's world nothing could be more challenging that of a woman looking for a good man. It doesn't take a trip to a psychologist to know that men tend to be "communicationally" challenged. So what does it take to find a guy, a good guy that is, and avoid the jerks?

Let's begin with a few basic self-analysis guidelines. This is not a time to be judgmental or self critical. We'll just deal with the reality of human beings and their habit patterns and establish some guidelines. For example, if you've found that your relationships don't last and are not fulfilling, we'll accept that poor choices were made and leave that experience in the past.

What this means is the past doesn't have to be repeated and it is easier to delete past behaviors if your accept them as experiences and put them in the trash can. You'll find it easier to move on when regret and self-blaming and guilt are released. We'll start your work on that with one of two suggestions that my clients rave about. Here goes...and don't be too picky about how the steps sound. If it works, does it matter?

1.The toilet paper flush. Grab a few sheets of toilet tissue and a ball point pen and find a quiet corner where you won't be disturbed. Write down the names of all the jerks you've met...dated...dumped...or been dumped by. Start writing their names on sheets of toilet paper. Continue until you've got them all written down. Now you're ready for step 2.

2.Getting Your Sheet Together Take your sheets of names and step to the toilet. Drop the sheets into the toilet and as you flush them down repeat the following words: "I flush away worn out relationships and all the habits and routines that no longer serve my higher good. I am completely free from any bonds to this trash. I can now move on with my life to bigger and better experiences. I am totally free."

3.Repeat that last sentence at least 10 times in a firm and loud voice, with the following additions: "I am totally free and I now move on with my life to bigger and better experiences. I am totally free."

Now you're ready to find a good guy. You may be pleasantly surprised as you move into the next phase of good guy finding. There is a psychological shift that occurs once we release ourselves from a pattern of regret and guilt and self abuse, especially in the form of negative self talk.

It may take some time to get out of these old habits but they will go away. However, it does take focus and practice to get the ball rolling.

Don't hesitate to use the picturing and visualizing part of your mind to help you in your quest. The mind works with pictures and becomes more excited and motivated by pictures, especially those that match the goals that are important to you. Look through your favorite magazines or shop for a few new ones. Take the time to browse through the pictures and linger on a few of the stories that grab your attention.

You're working to create a new image of your new guy and your mind needs specific data to help with accuracy. Unless you engage your mind's picturing capabilities, your experience would be like planting corn seeds and expecting to harvest a crop of green beans!

You'll want to plant pictures and images of the looks, behavior and expectations you desire as you feed your mind with images attached to the feelings they trigger. At that point the process becomes much easier...and more predictable.

As simple as it sounds, this is a tried and true path to finding a good guy. And if you haven't done this before it would be reasonable to feel that it is an odd approach. However, Einstein's words ring true when it comes to such changes, "The surest sign of insanity is repeating the same behaviors over and over and expecting a different result!"

Another way to say it is by borrowing a saying attributed to Dr. Phil: "You already know what your experiences have led to so, based on how your relationships have been in the past, how have your own approaches been working for you?"

If you are not happy with the quality of the guys you've been attracting into your life, you now have a plan of action that will trigger a dramatic change in your experiences. Go with it using all of your focus and commitment and you will succeed.