Your First Date - Are You Making This Mistake Afterward?

You're out on a first date, and you're thinking, "Wow, I really like this guy!" The conversation is flowing freely, there's lots of eye contact, smiling, and laughing. He seems to be enjoying himself just as much as you are, and you're feeling a real sense of connection.

What a relief! You've been meeting so many losers, it feels great to finally meet a guy you're attracted to, and who seems just as interested.

When you get home, pretty much all you can do is think about this guy: you keep replaying "scenes" from the date in your head, recalling things he said that made you think he was the perfect fit for you, how nice his smile was, how everything just seemed to "click"...

The Torment Begins

And you start looking at your phone, email, Facebook account, Twitter page, etc. ("When is he going to contact me?")

This is perfectly natural. You've met a guy you really like, had a great time, and your VERY natural (i.e., pre-programmed into your genes) tendency is to let your thoughts rush ahead to where this might be going. You may not even be aware of the extent to which you are doing it. But it happens to ALL of us.

There is nothing wrong with being happy and excited after a terrific first date! Nothing at all. However, when that happiness and excitement leads to the "what's next?" impulse, you are starting down a potentially disastrous path.

Here's why: men (and women, for that matter) like to be a little bit challenged when embarking on a new relationship.

If you are at all familiar with my philosophy about life, you'll find that I sound like a broken record on this topic, for good reason! Just in case you're NOT familiar with my philosophy, let me explain that the "challenge" I'm referring to is not manipulative, insincere, or high-maintenance. It simply mimics the cycle of life itself. Life is a series of challenges, or obstacles, and we grow and evolve as we overcome these obstacles. It's what makes life fun and exciting!

In relationships, if everything is handed to you on a silver platter, you're very unlikely to place a high value on it. It doesn't really jive with you on a deep level, because it doesn't feel like it's "supposed" to feel. For men especially, there is a deep inner drive to "hunt and gather". No matter how you slice it, men are modern-day versions of their cavemen ancestors!

So when you've been on a date with a guy and everything has gone really well, the next step for a man is NOT instant love, commitment, marriage, family, etc. The next step is "a bit of a chase". Which is why you staring at your cell phone, checking for email or other messages, and thinking about the guy nonstop is not exactly productive. Let's face it, a girl who's "sprung" on a guy after the first date hardly needs to be chased.

Now, again, I am NOT suggesting you be insincere or act like you aren't into him. On the contrary, men DO like women who are into them! They like women who make them feel special (the same way you like men who make YOU feel special).

Refocus Your Energy

What I AM suggesting is that you take the positive energy (i.e., "good feeling" hormones) coursing through your body and redirect it toward something that has absolutely nothing to do with this guy. Do you have a hobby, side business, or career you love? Throw your energy into a new project in one of these areas. Is there a trip you've been wanting to take but were procrastinating for any number of reasons? Book it. Have you neglected to call a friend for quite some time? Pick up the phone. Read a book, take a walk or run, go the gym, meet a friend for the movies. There are any number of activities you can be doing right now that don't involve thinking about this guy or waiting for him to contact you.

Sure, you're still going to have the undercurrent of excitement from meeting this new guy, but you'll be so busy doing other things that you won't have time to obsess over how many days have passed since he called.

And here is the important thing: do NOT call him, email him, or get in touch with him any other way. I know, I sound old-fashioned and there are plenty of women who will say, "I'm a modern woman, why can't I contact him?" I'm telling you right now, it NEVER hurts to wait for him to contact you first. There isn't a decent guy alive who is "offended" if a woman doesn't contact him first.

Yes, there are guys out there who would prefer that you do all the work. Do you want to end up with one of them? A truly great guy is up for the chase, and if he's interested in you he will NOT be put off by the fact that you didn't contact him first. In fact, he'll find you a little more interesting.

The key is to be just available enough that he can get to know you better, but not so available that he begins to think you're not worth knowing better. Keep in mind: "challenge" is what makes the world go 'round! Oh, and, don't forget - it's supposed to be FUN!