What Does 'Soon' Mean For a Woman and a Man?

After the first date and before starting the relationship, most misunderstandings revolve around time. Men and women have quite different concepts about when they should call or e-mail after the first date. For example, you have a great time together say a sweet goodbye and you promise each other you will call soon. For her, 'soon' means the same evening, while she is still on her way home. If he calls early in the morning, that is also fine, but if he doesn't call, send SMS or e-mail the day after the date, she will begin to worry.

For him, 'soon' means 'I will be busy these days, but maybe I will have time next week', 'when I finish my project' or 'after I came back from vacation'. For some men, soon can also mean 'someday, when I will have the mood', or 'never'.

The woman holds her cell phone in her hands all day and all night waiting for him to call. She doesn't want to go to party the next day, because she is afraid that she won't hear the phone ringing. Checks her e-mail every 5 minutes, and every hour passed seems like a century.

The man meanwhile is watching television with his cell phone turned off. In the evening, he goes out with his friends, and sometimes he remembers he shouldn't forget to call, but he decides every time that he doesn't have time to do that. Eventually after a week or so, he will make time to make that phone call.

She will be an ice queen by then, because she thinks too much time has elapsed since the date. She'll probably say she is too busy to meet again, and this is the end of a relationship that never really started. If she promised to call first, she will ring a couple hours after the date ended: the guy will interpret this as the sign of a passionate love, even if the girl just wanted to say she had a nice time and she would like to see him again.

Men and women have quite different notions about the meaning of the word 'soon'. If a guy says he will call soon, the girl should try to define what 'soon' means: one day, a week or a month? If she doesn't want to seem overeager, she should ask something like this: 'I'll be busy for two days. Can you call me after that?' If he says 'yes', she can hope the phone will ring after two or three days.

To avoid misunderstandings, guys should be more precise when they say 'soon' and they should try to call a little bit sooner than they normally would. This can bring a lot of extra points for them, and there is no danger that their date will eventually dump them. Girls on the other hand should wait twice as long as they would normally do without any ill feelings.

The best way to avoid the call/don't call scenario is to arrange a second date before the first date ends. You should set the date no sooner than a week, and no later than two weeks. There is no gender rule about setting a second date, so either he or she can bring this up.