3 Ways to Help You Get Over a Crush

If you are experiencing this thing called crush, you are likely having a youthful infatuation, also known as crush. This is a counterfeit love based, not on a reasoned acquaintance with someone, but on pure fantasy. Indeed, among young people, the object of infatuation often is someone clearly out of reach-a movie star, a popular singer, a teacher, or an older acquaintance. Fortunately, most simply outgrow these crushes.

But for some, terminating a crush causes painful withdrawal symptoms. Is there any way to ease the pain?

1. Face Reality

How do you tell legitimate hope from unfounded hope? Looking carefully and coldly at these facts make real sense. Consider: How much of a chance is there of a real romance developing with this person? Is he or she already married? Certainly romantic fantasies toward such a one are vain-and most improper. Is the person some celebrity? Then the odds are you will never even meet this person, much less start a romance! Your chances are also dim when some older person, such as a teacher, is involved. Reality means little to one wearing the blindfold of infatuation. This is particularly true when you are caught up in a romantic fantasy. You tend to put on emotional blinders and see only what you want to see. This means seeing things the way they are. If someone has thus far failed to show interest in you, is there any real reason to believe that things will change in the future? Reading romantic interest into innocent words and actions often amounts to 'pulling the wool over your own eyes.' It is a waste of time and emotion. Incidentally, in most lands it is customary for men to take the initiative in romance. A young girl can humiliate herself by aggressively pursuing someone who simply is not interested.

2. Analyzing Your Feelings

'But what about these feelings I have now?' you ask. Take a hard look at what and how you feel. Infatuation occurs when a person idealizes the person she or he is infatuated with as being a 'perfect lover'; that is, concludes that the other person has all of the characteristics desired in a mate. However, no such "perfect lover" exists. It can be painful to realize that you have wasted emotion on a mere dream. These shocks of disillusion can be useful learning experiences in helping young people to differentiate between physical attraction and personal compatibility.

3. Getting Him/Her Off Your Mind

Try developing some real friendships. A fantasy romance is no substitute for people who really love you and care for you. Do not 'isolate yourself.' You'll probably find that your parents can be quite helpful. "They're the last ones I would tell about my crushes," said one young man. But for all your attempts to conceal your feelings, they have probably already discerned that something is eating away at you. Why not approach them and 'give your heart to them.' Admittedly, all the reasoning in the world does not entirely erase how you feel. But there are a few things you can do to get your mind off your hurt. First of all, avoid feeding the problem! Reading steamy romance novels, watching TV love stories-or just listening to certain kinds of music-can worsen your feelings of loneliness. So refuse to dwell on the situation. "Where there is no wood there is no fire." Getting over a crush is not easy. But with the passage of time, the pain will subside. And you will have learned much about yourself and your feelings. Perhaps these lessons are well worth the pain of experiencing a heartbreaking crush.