To Love a Divorcee Or Not

A friend of mine is in dilemma right now. She met two men at the same time and she is dating both of them. One is a romantic and stereotypical individual who has all the fundamental principles in life where she can have all the security she needs once she marries him. The other guy is a divorcee but a warm, modern and happy guy whom my friend finds easy to be with and is actually beginning to fall in love with.

The problem with the second guy she is dating is that he still sees his ex-wife and still supports her even though she is already married to another guy. Malen (my friend) confides in me that she would have chosen Alan (the second guy) over Melvin (the first guy) if only Alan would stop seeing and supporting his ex-wife. She believes that after the divorce, he does not need to support her anymore.

Their relationship is on and off as Malen would demand her part but Alan also demanded his part to be understood and accepted by Malen. But neither both wanted to really give up on each other. When any of them tried to stop dating, the other one would complain not to stop and so it goes on a cycle.

And when both of them (Malen and Melvin) are not in good terms, Malen will tell me that she would marry Melvin and it makes me really mat at my friend. I always admonish her to follow her heart and give an unconditional love towards Melvin.

I believe to demand from someone is quite selfish specially if you are just starting a relationship. In the case of Malen, it would be wise for her to just simply accept the fact that Alan is still attached to his wife but he is willing to change that since his divorce is already done with. It will only be time that both of them needed so that the love and affection will be totally given by Alan to Malen in due time.

If only Malen can understand this and accept it, things should be better for both of them but she is very stubborn in her beliefs that Alan can only prove his love to her if he follws her demands. Now they just waste time on absurd disagreements when they know that they really like each other.

Many people are in the same situation as Malen and Alan. The key to real love is understanding and once you understand all things, is there a question left? So for Malen, if she understand the time requirement for Alan, they will now be enjoying more moments together and not destroying it. It is also true to other situations. If understanding is the center of any relationship, then all things will be clearer and you can expect growth towards any union on this earth.