Can't Find the Right Girl! City Life, Reading Analysis

Dear Gypsies! A few nights ago, I met my friend Jeremy in a lounge for a few drinks. Apart from the occasional dates and flings, Jeremy has been single for at least a year, and by now, signs of desperation have started to show. He wants to be in a relationship, yet none of his occasional dates has developed into anything meaningful.

"I try so hard" he said, "I call, I e-mail, I take them out, I buy gifts, I pay, yet it either disintegrates, or they ditch me. What is wrong with me? Can the cards help?"
I laid out the Challenge & Outcome Spread onto our drinks laden table to see what has been blocking the development of Jeremy's romantic life.

Right in the first position the Thought card showed that Jeremy was putting too much planning into building a love life. Then, the Message card indicated that he was giving too much, too fast. "But don't relationships take a lot of work? I am doing the work, yet there have not been any rewards", he said defensively. "Let's just see if the cards can shift you into a new direction", I told him, "this process needs you to be open-minded."

The rest of the spread advised that Jeremy enjoy the good times with his dates because this will be the key to fulfillment. "This is too easy to say, it is too generic", he waved his arms in protest, and I drew another card for clarification: the Priest, which urges us to abandon ourselves in the moment and have faith in the now.

At that point Jeremy laid his self-defense to rest and started to think. He confessed that he did not have confidence in how he felt, behaved, and what he said and did in the now, and his lack of confidence in the moment made him plan and structure not only the dates but his mindset as well. His inability to go with the flow turned an otherwise exciting exploratory occasion into a script: Jeremy meets girl, Jeremy takes her to dinner, Jeremy tells her he wants a serious relationship, Jeremy lets her know (either through heavy hints or directly) that only serious candidates need to apply, Jeremy pays, the next day Jeremy calls. A few days later, Jeremy kisses and then (hopefully) Jeremy scores.

Such a structured approach leaves almost no room for spontaneous development either for the better or for the worse. Of course, Jeremy was not open to worse, and that is why he enforced his script. Better yet, he did not have the confidence to be open to the realization that he may not like the girl after all. After all his efforts, Jeremy had to like the girl, and the girl had to like him. It Was In The Script.

Now Jeremy realized that his charm would lie in having confidence in the moment. Women would be attracted to him for going with the flow; they would feel his confidence as well as his respect for their emotional schedules. He also realized that he should be dating many women, and through spontaneity, let the best dates develop into more fun, and let the not so good ones fade away without feeling sorry or regret. Going with the flow and ditching the script will allow his own feelings to surface for one woman in the end.

Jeremy learnt that when it comes to dating, we have to be open to all eventualities: the rendezvous can turn into fireworks, but it can also leave us uninspired. The amount of effort we put into the preparation or the follow-up does not guarantee a happy future.
And that is O.K..

The Gypsy cards' advice to Jeremy: let the momentum of the moment tell us what to do next.