Greetings from New York City. I'm attending a conference and taking care of some business here, and I've got to tell you -- for a single man, this town is a dating bonanza. Everywhere you look, there are beautiful, stylish, articulate women. And they are friendly! And they love to go out and have fun! And they have real jobs!
After living for four years in Los Angeles, I know that this difference is not merely in my head. It's real. And this time, I have proof. In previous articles, I talked about the sex ratio -- the number of men per 100 women. Where that ratio is high, the society tends to be more conservative and have fewer opportunities for women. People marry early and promiscuity is low. Typical spots with high sex ratios right now are Saudi Arabia, Pakistan and the United Arab Emirates.
When the ratio is low, on the other hand, society tends to be a lot more liberal. Sexual attitudes are much more relaxed, women are much more involved in the workplace, and things can get a little wild and crazy. Typical spots with low sex ratios these days are Russia, Ukraine, Latvia and Lithuania, all with well-established party pedigrees. Oh yes, and the out-and-out hedonism of Imperial Rome was also the product of a way-low ratio.
Well, as it turns out, none other than National Geographic Magazine published a 'singles map' about a year ago which showed beyond a shadow of a doubt what's happening in the US in terms of sex ratio. The metropolitan area with the best ratio for men: New York City, with a 185,000 excess of single women over single men.
The worst? Los Angeles, with a 40,000 excess of men over women.
That's even worse than Anchorage, Alaska.
So, my LA brethren. If you're finding that your dating life is a little more challenging in LA than wherever you came from, then there may be a good reason for it. Same goes for Seattle, San Francisco, Houston and Phoenix.
On the other hand, if you're in Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Miami, New Orleans or Chicago -- bonus! You are in really, really good shape. Unfortunately, it also means that you have absolutely no excuse for having a tremendous dating life. Which is what this article is really about. Because wherever you are, now is a great time to make that dating life even better.
You're all solid guys, as far as I can tell. And if you're reading this right now, chances are pretty good that you have a good job and are well-educated. It's probably also true that you have sought out and found many dating resources other than The Tao of Dating (which clearly you need to get your hands on if you haven't already at thetaoofdating.com/order).
Which means that you have a lot of really good information in your head about how to improve your dating life. But somehow your dating life isn't quite exactly where you want it to be. Now you're a smart guy, so what's up?
Here's what I think may be going on:
1) A lot of the information is disorganized.
You heard Guru X talk about using the Reverse Double-Whammy, and you thought it was a good idea. Then you heard Guru Y talk about the TRIPLE Whammy, and that sounded pretty good, too. Then there was that snippet you were supposed to say right before you went in for the kiss, and the story about the lion's loins and the elephant's elves...
Stop it already! Take a deep breath and relax. As good as you think these ideas are at the conscious level, your unconscious will refuse to deal with them unless it knows what belongs where. This all needs to be tidied up. That's a whole separate course unto itself, so we're not going to get into it now.
But what you want is simplicity. Clear rules and guidelines. An uncluttering of the mind -- 'mind like water', as the Taoists put it. That way you stop getting in your own way, and your actions can just flow. Less thinking, more doing.
2) The information conflicts with itself.
One week, you hear one guy say that you have to be direct with women about your intentions. Yeah, man! Gotta be direct. Balls to the wall. Take no prisoners. The next week, another guy says you've got to be indirect, smooth subtle. Can't be scaring the birds with a big ruckus. What were you thinking? Indirect is the new direct.
Well, that's all nice, but where does that leave you? In a state of paralysis, that's where. Your unconscious mind has no clear path of action, so you're left with -- inaction. Hey, I've done it, too. I listen to these seminars with a parade of so-called experts, and each one contradicts the other. Sometimes the guru-let contradicts himself within the same presentation!
What you want is a clear, simple, internally-consistent set of instructions with the flexibility to adapt to any circumstance. And I'm happy to report that The Tao of Dating is exactly that.
3) The information is good, but you're not implementing it.
Ooh boy. Here's the biggest sin of them all. Did you go to the seminar? Yes you did. Did you buy the book? Uh-huh. Did you find some good ideas in there? Damn straight.
Now -- how many of them did you put to use? Be honest now. I'm a book and seminar junkie, and I've gotta tell ya -- if I implement 20% of every new thing that I learn, I'm pretty stoked and getting some tremendous results.
The fact is that most people don't even get to that 20%. I'd hazard a guess that most people don't even implement 5% of what they learn. There are a thousand reasons why, and none of them have to be with being lazy. It's just that if your brain has been doing things a certain way for 20 years or more, it's going to take more than reading a few paragraphs in a book to dislodge that. Or a few words from a good teacher.
It's going to take action and repetition. And being accountable to someone other than yourself for doing it. If you don't feel like you're ready to take your dating life to the next level, that's fine. As the old Zen saying goes, "When the student is ready, the master will appear." You can just listen to the free training and derive a ton of benefit out of that.
The power is within you,
Dr Alex
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