Cougar Dating in the United States - Will the Trend Continue?

Older women dating younger men has been nothing the locals bat an eye at in Europe. It's been going on for quite some time. But in a country such as the United States, with still a bit of a puritanical hangover, only the larger cities are hopping on board.

I have seen membership grow in the past year on older women/younger men dating sites, I notice that most members are coming from the larger cities faster. Trends seem to start in California and "infect" the rest of the country. Members are from all over the world, so I get a good perspective of what this dating dynamic is like world wide.

The U.S. doesn't have any true royalty, so the populous looks to celebrities to model after. Remember when Cher was ridiculed for having such young boyfriends? Now Demi, Madonna, Susan Sarandon, and other mature women date and marry their younger loves. This behavior has in effect, legitimized and given permission to women who are tired of competing for the attentions of men in their age range who are in short supply, have alimony, child support and other issues or baggage that the mature woman who has energy to spare and a sex drive to match and who wants a companion who can keep up with her on more than one level.

It's not all about sex. Female members I have interviewed (many of whom date younger and older men) say men their age can't keep up with them, disappoint them in bed, aren't all that to look at any more and have forgotten the fine art of romancing and courting a woman. Some of the women just want a hook up with no expectations, but many women on the sites are looking for a meaningful connection, possibly long term, even marriage.

My research also reveals: Women in the South tend to be "closet Cougars" who are still concerned what the boss, co workers and the neighbors will think about their new dating style. Fearful of being public, ridiculed, ostracized or losing friendships or job opportunities, they keep their dating on the down low. The younger men (Cubs) in the South tell me it is very hard to find a southern Cougar. Their laments are endless and fraught with frustration. I can understand this, as I grew up in the deep South where patriarchy reigns supreme and change and new fangled ideas are not readily encouraged. It seems sort of odd as most of the people I grew up around hail from ancestry of Northern Europe; albeit the more puritanical sects.

As I get to know this group of men and women, I see they are no different from anyone else. They just prefer the company of someone who is not in their age group. The younger men like that for the most part, older women know who they are and what they want and are not afraid to go after it. They like that these women can talk about topics that younger women seem to be uneducated or inexperienced in and that the drama quotient is less. Women their age, they claim, play too many games and manipulate, whereas the Cougar woman tends to be more of a straight shooter. In terms of the boudoir, the women like that they have a younger man who is eager to learn to please them. They tell me that trying to teach the "older dogs new tricks" doesn't get very far. They tell me it is great to not have to fake orgasms any more because they feel freer to experiment with a younger man and tell him how to please them. Biologically, a woman in her 40's and up is in the peak of her sexuality. The younger men are in the peak of their. Voila. It's a match.

But it goes beyond sex for most of the men and women I have gotten to know over the past year. Keep in mind I am in daily contact with my thousands of members on dating sites. I write articles, dole out advice, listen to concerns about being a newbie, support and encourage and even facilitate introductions. Although thousands of miles separate some of us, we have become friends-family if you will. We have a live online chat every Wednesday night and discuss relationships, sex, dating, mating and I am constantly writing articles so that men and women can understand themselves and each other better.

The women tell me that now that they have suffered and dodged the slings and arrows of life, gone through a divorce, raised children, been hired, been fired, lost parents and loved ones that they now truly feel they have "earned their stripes" to be who they really are. And who they really are means multidimensional women with passion, perspective and panache who want to break out of the confines of having to always take care of others and take care of themselves. This includes finding romance, passion and fun. A whole lot of fun.

People ask me all the time to define what a Cougar is. This I can say with certainty. No one, not the media, not society, not your neighbor or your bff defines a true Cougar. A true Cougar woman defines herself. And Cougar dating isn't a fad. It isn't a flash in the pan. Older women dating younger men has been going on since time began and it's not going away.