Four Steps to Total Dating Confidence

Do you positively shine with dating confidence, or is it more of a dull glimmer? Has it burnt out after one too many dating disasters, or was it never there in the first place? Whether you need to brush up your existing skills, or if you need to find out what they are, this article is for you. Follow these four simple steps, and dating will become the rich jewel and ornament of your life, rather than a millstone around your neck.

Step 1

Dating confidence is all about expectation. If you go on a date expecting it to be a disaster, it probably will be. If you go expecting the heavenly choirs to sing and eternal happiness to descend upon you right there and then, you're likely to be disappointed. So you need to pitch it somewhere in the middle.

Relax, and see it for what it is. It's a date, not the Yalta Conference. The fate of the world does not depend on it. It's a chance for you to spend some time with someone you like, doing pleasant things in congenial circumstances. It may or may not lead to other dates and other things down the line, but they can be left to happen in their own time.

Dating confidence is a direct result of this go-with-the-flow, expect-the-best attitude. Not only will you relax, you'll be free to focus on and enjoy what does happen, rather than focusing on and fretting about what you'd like to happen.

Step 2

Remember that it's not about you. You might be thinking about wedding bells and/or red hot passion, the other person might be thinking about dinner or watching a movie. If you're spending time with someone, you need to really spend time with them. Communicate with them, listen to them and respect what they have to say. Dating confidence comes when you realise you can take pressure off of yourself and attend to the other person - which is the whole point of going on a date, after all.

Step 3

Enrich your communication by developing rapport. Listen to your partner, ask questions, make appropriate eye contact, and keep the conversation going by making small, and carefully timed, disclosures about yourself. Subtly match their body language - it shows them, subconsciously, that you're on their wavelength.

Step 4

Once you've got the mindset right, there are some practical things you can do to make the date go smoothly. Eliminate doubt as far as is humanly possible and increase your dating confidence by preparing beforehand - check movie times, make sure you've reserved a table, get your transportation arrangements sorted out. There are more enough things that are beyond your control without adding to them by neglecting the things that you can.

These four steps - relaxation, focusing on your partner, developing communication skills and attending to practicalities - will make your dates go better. And when your dates go better, dating confidence inevitably follows.