Rejection, Protection Or Blessing?

Life and the path to lasting love, by their very nature, entail rejection. Even the most beautiful and powerful among us are not immune from it. Princess Diana, Abraham Lincoln, Al Gore, Jennifer Aniston and everyone voted off Survivor has suffered rejection's sting. At least the vast majority of us in the dating world can be grateful that millions aren't watching our rejection on TV or reading about it in the tabloids!

While dating leads to love and marriage, dating is also a land ripe for rejection! Who hasn't heard, and said, "You're a great person, but..." One thing I know. If you're out there taking chances, meeting new people and dating, you're going to suffer rejection. The good news is rejection isn't fatal! It just isn't pleasant.

The truth is, the more chances we take in trying to find lasting love, the more we open ourselves up to the pain of rejection. But, as Radames sings in Aida, "Fortune favors the bold!" I've yet to meet anyone who sat at home, did nothing and had Prince Charming magically appear at her door. The bottom line is if you desire to find a life partner and enjoy the intimacy of lasting love, you must risk rejection.

My observation is that when rejection comes our way, we have the following choices:

1). Shutoff our hopes, dreams and feelings. Many singles make this devastating decision in an attempt to stop the pain. I understand why-- rejection feels terrible and appears to confirm our deepest fears as it whispers we're unlovable, inadequate, unworthy or simply not good enough! The problem with shutting off our hopes, dreams and feelings is that it limits our actions and ability to live and love. Furthermore, shutting off our hopes, dreams and feelings can lead to depression, which further hinds our desirability and our willingness to get back into the game when a relationship doesn't work out. In short this decision prevents us from growing, achieving and eventually acquiring the relationship we desire and deserve!

2). Learn from it. Sometimes rejection occurs for a valid reason. Healthy individuals search to see if changes are in order and act accordingly. Perhaps you're a bit boorish and dominate conversations. If this is true, learn ask interesting questions of others and listen to their responses! Maybe you disclose way too much information, way too soon. If so, let your love interest get to know you before you air out all your dirty laundry. Maybe you're a couch potato, possessive, controlling or domineering... With work, you can change those patterns! The bottom line is, if there's something you're doing that's pushing a potential partner away, fix it! We humans are incredibly bright and have the ability to learn and grow from every experience as long as we don't choose bitterness, blame and anger as our response.

3) Recognize that rejection isn't always about you! Others approach the world from their own needs and brokenness--maybe their mom dropped them on their head. Perhaps they've had bad experiences in the past and aren't willing to risk letting another individual in. Who knows, you may even look like their second grade teacher! Or, just maybe, someone else is a better fit. If that's the case, move on and value yourself highly enough to believe that you're going to be a better fit for someone else. The truth of the matter is that regardless of how terrible rejection feels, it isn't always personal!

4). Choose to view it as protection. Looking back on my life, I clearly see God's hand of protection through many of the rejections I've experienced, relationships that had they progressed further would have been detrimental. I was convinced of what I wanted and had to have, but my radar was faulty and I continued to date emotionally unavailable men. I am so thankful for the bullets I've dodged that I could only see once a relationship had ended. With a little bit of practice it's easy to learn to recognize and appreciate failed relationships that wouldn't have been satisfying, mutual or healthy!

5). See it as a blessing! Beyond greater pain and potential disaster being adverted, in the long run I've often received something far better than what I would have happily settled for. Like in Garth Brooks' "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers..." A rejection from someone good, opens up room in your life for someone better!

While we can't control rejection, the choice to learn, grow and move forward is always ours. If you've closed your heart, ask God to heal it. Find a good counselor if you can't get over things on your own. I personally owe a great deal to counselors-it's amazing how helpful a well-trained, objective third party can be! If you want to attract a confident, healthy partner, you need to be a confident, healthy person in your own right.

Ultimately, each of us is responsible for growing and for taking the steps and risks to achieve our dreams. Great relationships don't magically happen! If you want to meet Prince Charming, you can't spend your life in front of your television. Learning to view rejection as a friend, protector and teacher will enable you to pick yourself up, because someone out there is a better fit! Move confidently in the direction of your dream relationship and always remember that rejection isn't fatal. Ultimately, it all boils down to, "to the riskers go the spoils".