How to Regain Your Confidence

There are two types of people in life, social butterflies and social outcasts. Well, maybe there are people in between, but through my eyes I've always seen it as a black and white scenario.

Throughout my life I've always been somewhat of a recluse, more content to live inside my head than out. To me the thoughts and dreams going on within the confines of my mind were greater than anything that could be achieved in the outside world, or so I thought.

I was what you would call a dreamer. Through the power of my mind I could create and concoct any situation I dare dreamt of whether it was plausible or not. These dreams became my reality and led me to become further distanced from the world surrounding me.

In large social gatherings I tended to stick close to the people I knew. I had a small group of friends, most of which were social butterflies who were my link to the outside world. They opened up doors for me into new social groups, but without them by my side I slipped back into my state of social recluse.

The above pattern repeated itself far into my teenage years and even up until my first few years of college. Throughout this time my lack of social acuteness led me to believe that something was wrong with me, why couldn't I be popular and well liked by others? It reduced my confidence and my sense of self worth.

Towards the end of college I met a girl. We settled down and I found my confidence level and happiness increasing. However, this new found sense of confidence was short lived and two years later the relationship was over and I was back to where I began.

Many men fall into this same trap. They feel that a woman is the key to happiness and confidence. What they fail to understand is that like any other vice in life this happiness is short lived.

When my relationship fell apart my sense of worth and self confidence fell to levels lower than before the relationship began. I felt lost and insecure and even when speaking with women, I subconsciously found myself sabotaging any chance I had at having a relationship with them.

Why would I do this? I was afraid of having my confidence shattered again, I was scared of falling into the same pit of despair that I had recently escaped from.

I started to create excuses for myself. The girl was too tall, not my type, too good for me, not someone I could bring home to mom, etc.. This rationalization allowed me to maintain my confidence and self worth, albeit a false one, for a short period of time

It wasn't until I started actively trying to learn the secrets of attraction when I had an epiphany and the answer to achieving self confidence revealed itself.

Obtaining self confidence doesn't require a girlfriend or being popular. The secret to achieving self confidence lies within you. The greatest part about obtaining self confidence is that it makes you more popular with people and with females in general.

True confidence exudes an aura about you that's visible for everyone in your presence. You'll notice that people who've known you for years will look at you differently. Your friends will want to hang out with you more often and the females in your life will start to see you as a man worthy of their affection.

Achieving greater confidence is easier than you think. The key to growing your confidence is by letting go of the outside world. Forget about what others think about you and how they perceive you and instead focus on how you wish to define yourself.

Take a minute and write down ten aspects or traits that you wish to define you. These could be anything you want, maybe you want to become a great guitar player or perhaps you want to become a stand up comedian. It could be anything, just write it down on a piece of paper and you can worry about how to achieve these goals later.

Take a look at your list and pick the top three that interest you. Don't hesitate just jump into the three items on your list. If it's magic you want to learn go out and download some magic trick videos. If it's comedy, sign up for amateur night at your local comedy club.

This may seem simple and obvious, but you'll be surprised at just how simple the process of achieving confidence is. The more things you get involved in, the more conversational topics you'll have at your disposal when out in social situations. The more you have to talk about, the more attention you'll garner from the people that you meet.

Before long you'll notice that you are internally validated. Your confidence will radiate out from you and the more confidence you exude, the more others will gravitate towards you.

The greatest part about gaining confidence is that it can be put into practice immediately. The key is to block out others perceptions of you and to create your own perception.

Become the person that you want to be and in a short period of time your peers will come to see you in this light as well.

Now I've overcome my social anxieties and I no longer depend upon friends to meet others. I'm a social butterfly and there's rarely a night where I'm not out with friends or girls that I've met. In fact, the problem I face now is how to fit everyone into my schedule, It's a great problem to have.