Help For a Broken Relationship

Breakups are hard, especially if a relationship has just ended that you thought would last forever. If you find yourself in that situation, hang on. There is hope. There are proven methods you can use to get your ex back. And in the process, build a strong relationship that will last. You will need to learn from the things that didn't work before, and make changes, but if you are willing, you may just save the relationship. But before that can happen, there are a few mistakes you want to avoid right away!

Mistake #1- Be emotional rather than objective

Your first instinct is going to be to react emotionally to the break up, and try to give your ex's reason for breaking up no merit. That is not what you should do. Instead, you should listen to what they have to say and respond objectively to it. What I mean by this is that you need to see your situation outside of the emotions you are feeling. At that moment, the best thing to do would be to simply agree with them, and let it be.

Learning to respond objectively  is more easily said than done. If you can't see your situation outside of the flurry of emotions your are feeling, then my best advice would be to talk with a friend. Ask them share insights as to what they see in your relationship. Honesty is going to help you the most so make sure they know that they will not hurt your feelings by speaking candidly.

Another way to find objectivity is to try to ask yourself questions. For example, you may ask yourself about the reason your ex gave for the break up. Is it fair? Have you done anything to lead your ex to that conclusion? If so, can you correct it? Asking yourself questions like this will allow you to see any behavior patterns you have that may be affecting your relationships with others negatively. In turn, you then may be able to work on those behaviors. Nevertheless, being objective, rather than merely emotional is an important first step. No crazy behavior!

Break Up Mistake #2 - Pleading and Bargaining

When a break up has just occurred, the emotions that follow naturally lead towards these two behaviors. It is almost instinct because you want them to know just how much you really want to keep the relationship in tact. You think if they can just see how much you really care, they will change their mind. The only problem is, pleading and bargaining are actually a big turn-off and the natural reaction you will get is resistance. It will end up hurting your chances of getting back with your ex more than if you said nothing at all.

A specific way people tend to plead is by using guilt. If your ex comes back to you out of guilt, it is not going to end up lasting. You want them to come back because they love you, and not for any other reason. Therefore, avoid using guilt at all costs.

Another thing people usually try is bargaining.  This is simply a form of begging where you say, "If you stay, then I will xxxx." It is like your last ditch effort to hold on to them, and you may even promise something you have been unable to give thus far in the relationship. Not a good place to put yourself. You don't need to be the needy type. That is not healthy. Again, you want your ex to come back to you because they love you and choose to be with you.

If you can avoid those two mistakes, you will position yourself well for working on restoring the relationship. It will take time, but you need to handle things the right way to make sure you are giving your relationship a chance to reconcile.