Top 11 Things That Put a Guy Off in the Early Stages of a Relationship Or Dating

This article is going to seem all negative. The truth is there are lots of things about women that men find attractive. Different men, find different things attractive. There's a common number of things that most men do NOT find attractive about a woman. I'm talking about a guy that's looking for a long term relationship rather than a guy who is looking for just casual sex.

1) She's clingy, insecure

Most men can tolerate a woman being clingy in the later parts of the relationship. But in the early parts if she appears clingy, he'll want to run a mile. Suggesting that you get married or planning moving in together is just quite frankly scary. Texting or phoning 40 times a day with every minor worry you may have is also very excessive. It makes him feel as though you are smothering his life and you are basically going to not let him get on with his work or social life with his friends.

2) Playing hard to get (the opposite to clingy)

Yes, despite the fact you've probably been advised from loads of other books or web sites that playing hard to get is the thing to do, they were wrong in my opinion. Yes, you shouldn't offer yourself on a plate because that is boring, but you certainly shouldn't play hard to get either, you need to find a place in between. Texting back hours or days later to virtually every text, just leaves him frustrated and makes him think you are just not that interested. Not so much hours later, but if you wait to text him days later that will seriously annoy him. He'll then start to think you are not that interested in him, he'll start to review how he feels about you and will come to the conclusion that he doesn't have enough evidence to show he's interested in you, nor you are interested in him. The result will be that he'll get so frustrated and bored that he'll think, do I have a better option? If he doesn't have a better option at that moment in time, then you can bet he'll go out there and look for a better option. If he does then you can bet he'll just get bored of waiting for you to be genuine and will start dating other ladies instead. Men always keep plenty of options in reserve, so don't get complacent.

Guys prefer slow progress, but they always want to see progress, if they see things, going backwards or they hit a brick wall and end up not getting any progress, that blows a guys excitement about the relationship. He might get up and start again a few times if he's that determined but he'll eventually just give up and feel it's one step forward and two steps back all the time. The progress is a guys excitement, cut that progress off and he'll become bored and frustrated. So if you play it cool, then you are likely to cool him down and make him less hot for you.

I've touched on this in other articles and explained why other books and web sites seem to have misinterpreted or misrepresented playing hard to get.

In my opinion this is what playing hard to get does. Instead of seeing a woman as a potential for a long term relationship a woman who plays hard to get frustrates a guy. Guys don't like losing, so they then see the woman as an exciting challenge. Consciously they still see the woman as attractive and get a kick out of the thrill of chasing the woman, but sub-consciously the woman has demonstrated by frustrating him and not being her genuine self that she is not right long term (after all she hasn't acted herself, so has he got a real picture of her?). Some guys will give up when a woman plays hard to get because they'll realise that woman playing hard to get has never worked in the past. Other guys will carry on the challenge of chasing her, then suddenly when she falls for him, he loses interest. The woman then thinks she's lost him because she's then looked too keen because she's fallen for him. But really she lost him because she did not act her genuine self early on and first impressions count to a guy. So ladies be yourself, don't follow some guide that tells you to act like you should play hard to get. Don't offer yourself on a plate, but don't play hard to get either, just move things at the speed you are comfortable with. If a guy finishes you, it's because he believes you are not right for each other, don't make things more complicated by playing games that you think will win over every guy on earth (that's not possible!).

3) She's a 'drama queen' (creating drama, even if there is none)

I've got to admit, it is sometimes entertaining listening to women whinging about minor niggles. However it starts to get a bit tedious, when she starts making those minor niggles into big issues. All of a sudden someone says "hello" to her, then all of a sudden she analyses it as being said in the wrong tone of voice. Then she starts working out why he or she said "hello" in that tone of voice. Then a story created about why that person hates her so much and is now being bitchy towards her. Then all of a sudden she starts creating stories about that person, saying how she/he does this and that. Then she just works herself into a frenzy and starts phoning and texting all her friends to say he/she did this and that. Gosh, what a drama!

The other element of it is he says or does something wrong in her opinion. Then she goes quiet, starts sulking on him. He doesn't have a clue what he's done wrong, in his opinion he hasn't said or done anything wrong, because she's misinterpreted or thought a bit too much about something he's said. He asks her what's wrong, she sulkily says nothing. Then spends the next few weeks with a long face. Then all of a sudden she bursts, goes into a mad rage and every minor thing that's frustrated her in the past few weeks comes out of her mouth in a mad rage.

If a man asks you what is wrong, tell him in a calm manner, sometimes he doesn't know what he's done wrong, other times you just think he's said or done something to annoy you when, really you've just looked at the situation too complexly. If you tell him in a calm manner he's more likely to tell you the truth, if you come at him in a fit of rage, he's more likely to become defensive, rage back and tell lies in the heat of the moment or else say things in the wrong way which makes it sound like a lie. Have regular fits of rage with him and he'll get stressed and no man wants to be stressed whilst in a relationship, particularly in the early stages. If you do make him stressed he'll at least start to lose interest in you and at the most think you are a psycho and try and run away. Guys are not mind readers, nor do they like making a drama out of life, life is difficult enough without making it even more complicated.

4) Don't feel she's really interested

I've touched on this issue in another point. Guys who want a long term relationship, like to think that the woman is just as interested as him. If he's only slightly interested at the moment, he'll hope she's only slightly interested. If he's really interested, the he hopes she has the guts to demonstrate she's really interested too. What guys don't want is a woman that appears to be not interested at all. She meets up with him, they have fun, then nothing. No texts, no phone calls, just plain boring nothing. Is she interested, is she not interested? He doesn't know, by the fact she doesn't reply to his texts promptly, he's guessing not that interested. Guys who are looking for long term relationships get bored of that. They want to find a woman that will eventually devote herself to him, that will be happy to have children with him and will settle down with him. He doesn't want that in the first few months, but in his mind he's looking to see that potential in the first few months to move towards that. If he doesn't see that potential and she doesn't seem that bothered about meeting up with him or communicating with him, he'll just get bored and frustrated and find someone who is going to treat him right.

5) Thinks she's playing "games"

Guys looking for a long term relationship want to find a genuine woman, who is caring and nurturing, who suits his personality. They don't want a woman who plays games, pretends she doesn't fancy him that much, makes him do things just to prove something or any other form of game playing. He just wants a woman who he has fun with, he finds sexy, who shows potential to be a long term partner. Play games and you will confuse him and also make him think your personality is rather annoying, the most you'll get out of him once he's decided that, is casual sex, he'll play games with you. Playing games may seem like good fun to a woman, but to a man, they are just confusing, annoying and a big turn off (from a relationship point of view). Does he want to spend the rest of his life with a woman who plays immature games with his head, I doubt it!

6) She's focused on money (gold digger)

Men are always cautious of women that spend loads of money and who expect to be treated like a princess. Tell him you have serious debts and go out buying loads of clothes every weekend and spend all your wages and he won't be impressed. Guys save money to be able to afford a decent house when they get married. Some will even scrimp on buying a cheap car and live with their parents, just for the sake of saving money to have the maximum amount of cash to look after a family in the future. Spending all your wages every month on unnecessary items is just going to make him think this woman is going to bankrupt me and my children in no time. My children are not even going to see any inheritance when I die, because she'll have spent it all.

Men expect to be the breadwinner even with women working these days. They prefer a woman to at least have the choice of staying at home and looking after the kids, even if the woman does opt to go back to work. The sensible men start saving for a family long before they are in a long term relationship, because ultimately he'll expect to be engaged after a year and married after two years, then after three years have a family. That's not enough time to save for a house, save for children, save for a people carrier etc, he needs to start saving long before that.

So before you decide to call your guy tight, even if he is a millionaire, he's still likely to be frugal with his money, because money can easily come and easily go, even if you are a millionaire. The other element of being a gold digger is a woman who actively seeks a bloke because he's got loads of money. I hear an immense amount of women saying something to the effect of, he's ugly as hell, but he's got plenty of money so I'd marry him and get a divorce. Whilst fair enough you probably have this opinion, it's not particularly good to express any form of wanting money in front of a guy. It gives him the impression you are a bimbo and you are going to snap his money off him that he saved for starting a family and make his life a misery.

7) Constantly finding "flaws" with him, and telling him.

A lot of guys absolutely hate this. However I like a woman to tell me what I've done wrong rather than go into a sulk, communication is important in a relationship and I like a woman who can communicate in a civil manner. I suppose it depends on the balance, if she's just constantly whining on about everything I've done wrong and whining because she's being fussy or whining about minor things, that's too much negative for any man to cope with. But if she compliments occasionally and then whines about the thing I've done wrong there's a good balance and not too much negative because it's being slightly outweighed by the positive. No guy is going to want to spend the rest of their life with a woman that is going to drop him into a deep depression and tell him how useless he is. If you think about it, you probably wouldn't tolerate a guy that did the same to you.

8) Not feeling appreciated or feeling as though she's enjoying herself with him

You may be shocked to know but even the most confident of blokes are lacking confidence with women. Yes, he maybe confident in other elements of his life and he may seem outwardly confident, but women are slightly unpredictable. If he hasn't found the right woman yet, then to a certain degree he either hasn't found the right woman or hasn't had the confidence with the right woman. We all start off as babies and work our way into adulthood, despite all the macho front guys put on, they never really lose their need to be nurtured and feel wanted and appreciated. If you make him feel wanted and confident then he's certainly going to take notice of you and realise that you may make him reach his full potential in life. Behind every great millionaire and successful man, there's usually a very nurturing wife. A wife that doesn't constantly hit him with negative things and drag him down, but nurtures him to reach his full potential in life, whether that be as a successful business man or with a successful career. That's why wives of millionaires get such good pay outs when they divorce, because they often played a significant part in his success. So don't take him for granted, tell him you appreciate him or tell him when you enjoyed your time with him. Of course don't go over the top and praise absolutely everything, it's just important you don't make him think he's got a constant uphill battle to impress you and the hill keeps getting steeper and steeper to the point where he thinks I might as well give in and find a less steeper hill.

9) Goes out on night out with her friends all the time and doesn't text

I've had women saying, my mobile signal is not good in the place that I'm going out to. I take that as a hint she doesn't want to be contacted or if I do contact her she won't bother texting back. Then the next morning comes around and she still hasn't text you to tell you she is alright. You get worried, you don't want to wake her up, but you also don't want to seem soppy or clingy or insecure by texting her the next morning. You simply want a text from her to say, she's alright, a bit hungover but she'll recover. Instead nothing! Then you start to think maybe she's ended up in hospital, maybe she's too ill to text, maybe she's ended up staying round a guys house for the night. Then you start thinking is our relationship really working out, can I trust her enough not to be messing about with other blokes and the answer is usually "no" in the early stages. So then you start questioning whether the relationship is really going alright, you don't have enough evidence to suggest it is, so you come to conclusion that if she doesn't text you within a few hours, then she obviously doesn't really value you and isn't really thinking about you. The longer the time drags on the more likely you are to phone her and say, this just isn't working out. Or if the relationship has been going for a while and you are maybe willing to give her another chance, then you may consider saying to her "Can you please text me to say that you are alright and safe when you get home or when you wake up the next morning?" Guys do worry about women, not just through jealousy but through safety. If you value him, then text him, even if he doesn't appear to be attached to you yet, it's nice to receive a text and shows you've been thinking about him. If you do this you are more than likely to get a text back from him saying,do you fancy going out for dinner this evening or whatever.

10) Drinks too much and/or smokes

There's nothing worse than dating a ladette or an unhealthy women. Ok, guys aren't particularly bothered about you having a bar of chocolate and if they were really bothered about your weight they wouldn't be dating you. They are bothered about things that damage a woman's fertility. If a guy wants a long term relationship with a woman, then a woman's fertility is very important to him. Drinking too much has lots of different consequences, it can lead to violence which could cause damage to a woman's body. Alcohol quadruples women's testosterone levels (hence makes her more likely to engage in violence) and as you can imagine high male hormonal levels doesn't really do her fertility any good either. High testosterone levels leads to a woman being more likely to have casual sex with a bloke, apart from the implications on her being faithful, having casual sex can increase her chances of getting a variety of sexually transmitted diseases including HPV which leads to cervical cancer and chlamydia which leads to endometriosis. Add to that excessive amounts of alcohol can do damage to lots of her internal organs and even her mental health. I'm not saying women shouldn't drink alcohol, nor am I saying that blokes don't want a woman to drink alcohol. What I would say is, if you want to attract a man for a long term relationship, drink in moderation and not like a ladette. And don't talk about going out and getting drunk and wasted, it's only attractive to a guy that wants to use you for casual sex.

Smoking of course is another one that damages her body. Does a guy really want to be having children with a woman who might die prematurely of lung cancer or chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder? No, a guy wants a woman that is around to look after her kids and form a proper family unit for as long as possible. There's lots of other ways that smoking does damage, but even imagine a woman smoking throughout the pregnancy, then smoking after the pregnancy and exposing their baby to the smoke. Lots of women proclaim they will give up when they become pregnant, but ultimately they don't find out their pregnant until 4 to 8 weeks into the pregnancy, by that time the baby has ingested up to 8 weeks worth of cigarettes before you've even started to give up. Then add to that the stress on your body when you decide to give up, that stress is going to transfer to the baby. I'm often walking through town and spot a pretty lady who catches my eye. Then all of a sudden she ruffles about in her hand bag. You look again and find that she suddenly has a cigarette in her mouth. As soon as I see that I immediately think "ok, not that pretty then". There are guys out there that smoke and there are guys out there that don't mind a smoker, but I believe they are in a minority. Try and give up, it's not only unhealthy, it's an immense waste of your money that could be spent on something better.

11) Too busy for a relationship

It takes a lot of time for a guy to think of somewhere to go with a woman, think of a few suitable times and dates for him to meet with her. Then to actually have the guts to either phone or even text her and risk being knocked back. It seems that the modern day woman either doesn't have that much time to spare these days for guys or else is playing games with him. He phones up and asks if she fancies meeting up, he gets one of two answers.

A) She says, no I'm busy that day, I'm going to the gym. So he thinks going to the gym, she goes there five nights a week surely she can spare one night to meet up with me. But trying to be patient and negotiate with her, he says well what about this night, she says, oh I'm going out with my friends that night, he says ok. Eventually after a few tries he gives in and just says maybe we can arrange another time next week, I'll give you a ring (pissed off, humiliated bloke, that really is NOT going to ring you!).

He puts the phone down and starts to think about what she said. In his mind she's telling him she's not interested, he offered some alternatives she didn't seem interested, she didn't offer him any alternative dates. The biggest mistake of all is she considers going to the gym five nights a week is a far better option than meeting up with him one night of the week. The result is, he'll quickly realise you are neither interested in him, bothered about meeting up with him and even if you are you've just turned him off from wanting a long term relationship anyway. You are incapable of negotiating with him, which is an important part of a long term relationship. You've moved in a short space of time from being good enough for him to raise the guts to ask you out an a date, to being boring and unattractive to him. His next step is to consider his options with another woman.

B) He phones up arranges a date and time to meet her, gets prepared to go. Then an hour before, she texts saying sorry, got to do the gardening or the housework today. That is going to piss a guy off even more than the last scenario. Not only did you agree to meet up then cancel at last minute (probably after he's told people, how humiliated would you feel!), he reserved the time for you and so probably turned down offers from friends, but you also piss him off even more by saying you are busy doing gardening or housework. With the first option there would probably be a glimmer of hope he'd give you a second chance. With this option, he'd have to be a hell of a patient guy to tolerate this kind of annoyance.

It's amazing how many women ask me what they've done wrong in this scenario (female friends and people on this web site), they really don't see how it could possibly be classed as treating a guy badly. Believe it or not, I've had loads of women contact me again after dishing me the above scenarios, wondering why I'm not contacting them anymore! I've usually moved on by the time they contact me and found someone else who is treating me much better. As soon as a guy gets into the above process, the longer it takes for a woman to contact him again the more unattractive he will see her and the more likely he won't give her any consideration anymore, even if she does decide to make an effort.

So women, word of warning, if you don't have time for a guy, don't expect him to give you any more time going out with you. If you can't make it on a particular date don't give him lame excuses, have some decent excuses (family parties, family crisis etc, not going to the gym or doing the gardening, you can do them any day of the week). If you do want to see him again, give him an alternative date when you can meet him. If you do make the mistake of doing one of the above. Phone him back as soon as possible after you've thought of a few times that you can meet up. Believe me, the longer you let him think you are not interested the quicker he'll move on to thinking about other ladies and the more unlikely he'll take you back. Never ever make a guy wait more than two weeks to see you unless there's unforeseen circumstances. If it's gone above that two week mark, then he'll have forgotten what you were like and things will have to start from the beginning again or worst of all, he'll have got bored and found someone else.