How Can You Tell If You Are in a Toxic Relationship

How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship? This will likely be your problem if your partner:
- Criticizes you publicly in front of other people.
- Says they love you, but their actions don't confirm this.
- Is controlling you by reading your mail or checking everything you do.
- Wants you to be solely dependent on them.
- Or you have changed how you behave, to please them.

It is unpleasant to be with toxic people, so why does anybody get into such a relationship? You don't want to be with someone who is causing you persistent physical and emotional pain.

These relationships start like others with the period when you are profoundly in love, and are then followed by a bust up and a subsequent getting back together, and the circle starts repeating itself.

During the opening period you are blind to what is happening and suddenly you realize that you are in a toxic relationship which it is difficult for you to escape from.

Many people in toxic relationships have grown up in toxic homes. They copy their memories from childhood unintentionally as they likely know no other way to behave. There are others who find their life in caring for others and others enjoy being miserable.

If you find this has happened to you, remember you have a choice. Do you want to spend your life where both of you are depressed and have little respect one for the other?

Start to stand up for yourself. In most of such relationships the toxic partner is telling you that you are responsible for all the problems. If you have accepted this it complicates your leaving the relationship or trying to negotiate new reference terms in order to repair the situation.

Group therapy may be useful in helping you end or renegotiate an unpleasant relationship.

You can get out of the cycles of toxic relationships and some leave to create other more constructive bonds. Or you may manage to mend the relationship and keep with it.

Most relationships can be saved if the couple want to renew their relationship in a healthy way. It may require some space or some counseling.

Take the decision that you will walk away if your situation does not improve. By doing this you will be freed from being dependent on your partner you can start to insist, in a kind but firm way, on what you will need if the relationship is to continue. And your partner knows that if you don't get what you want you will leave them.

A healthy relationship requires give and take on both sides; a toxic relationship is a one way street. It is up to you to alter things if you really want to.

Joe Bisley

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