Bitterness - Your Biggest Dating Enemy

Dating in the 21st century is far from easy. We are not sure about the rules anymore, the dating etiquette is constantly changing and the role of men and women is confusing. We've all had our share of disappointments and heartbreaks, which very often discourages us from dating. It seems that the mating game has become an exhausting chore and we don't even enjoy it anymore.

Have you ever said: "I'm tired of dating. All good men are taken. My dates never work out anyway. I'm not good around men. I don't want to keep trying anymore"? Maybe you would like to date but after everything you've been through, you're afraid of giving it another try.

If you really wish to start dating again, first of all you should change your attitude and see dating as an opportunity to have a blast. Dating, flirting, the first kiss and the butterflies in your stomach, it's so much fun! You need to stop analyzing your dates, stop trying to foresee the outcome and just enjoy every minute of it. That's the first step and the most important one. In dating, just like in all areas of your life, fear is the most limiting and destructive emotion. Once you realize that fear is the main obstacle that prevents you from dating actively and enjoying the process, it's very easy to change your mindset!

After you have addressed your fear, take all the negative beliefs and statements that you keep repeating to yourself, turn them around and make them positive: "I'm excited about dating. All good men are single and out there waiting for me. All my dates are perfect. I'm so good around men. I want to enjoy dating and have fun." Choose the best positive statements that you find encouraging and write them down. Replay them in your head each time those negative beliefs start creeping into your mind. Meditate on them. And decide that these new, positive affirmations define you and your attitude to dating.

Write a list of things that make you a great date. If you can't think of any, ask your friends why they like spending time with you. Men usually appreciate the same qualities as your friends. Maybe you make them laugh, maybe you're a good listener, maybe you tell good jokes... You will find out that there are so many things which people love about you, and as a bonus, listening to your friends talk about your virtues will boost your self-confidence.

Visualize different dating scenarios. Which restaurant would you like to go to? What would you eat? What would you talk about? Maybe you prefer a walk in the park. Or a cup of latte at that cute coffee shop around the corner. Or maybe you want to challenge your date to a round of golf. Visualizing your date helps you feel more confident and makes you actually look forward to it.

Write a list of conversation starters. Of course I'm not telling you to take the list out of your handbag, question your date and check off the successfully discussed topics. Make a list at home so that you know what to say and what to ask in those moments of awkward silence. It's always nice to ask your date about his plans. Where he would like to go on vacation, what movie or book he'd recommend, if he loves living in the city or if he would prefer to move to the countryside. You can also talk about your plans, dreams and wishes and ask him about his opinion (men love sharing their opinion with women). If you store this list in your head, you will feel more relaxed before and during the date because we all know how dreadful and embarrassing it can be when neither of you know what to say.

The last step is to decide that you just want to have fun. Make having fun your ultimate dating goal. Don't focus on finding your future husband. Don't think about the future father of your children. Don't sweat it. Look for a man to have fun with instead! You will have enough time to discover where your relationship is going (and whether it is going somewhere) later. If you stick to this "fun rule" and get ready for your new, exciting dating life, your bitterness will fade away and you will realize that dating is delightful, sexy, spicy and delicious. Just like you.